I have a love/hate relationship with Youtube. I love the fact that so many people can share videos that make me laugh, cringe, or stare in awe. I love that it is a platform that gives voices to people whose governments would rather silence them. I love that it was the first major service to drag internet video out of the dark ages and shove it into the homes of everybody who has an internet connection. It has let me see more insane, beautiful, twisted, and amusing videos than I have seen in the entirety of my previous life up until Youtube was invented.
But holy shit on a stick, I HATE the idiots that lurk there.
You know the ones I mean. The people who post a million videos of compression artifacts in Google Earth images and claim they found Atlantis, or a UFO, or Bigfoot fucking Elvis Presley while zombie JFK picks his own brains out of the gunshot wound in his skull and eats them (his brains, not Bigfoot fucking Elvis Presley). I hate the people who comment (this constitutes basically everybody, by the way) on things in a manner that would be judged as incredibly retarded, even by autistic basement-dwelling 40 year olds with a proclivity towards videos of girls crushing small animals for sexual gratification.
Most of all, I hate the fact that the worst videos of all may have been viewed by millions, even tens of millions, of hapless people. These folks, intentionally or accidentally, end up subjecting themselves to a grainy, 240p, 8-second portrait-mode cell phone clip of a dreadlocked homeless person mumbling under a freeway in a vaguely threatening manner towards the videographer. It's not funny at all, and yet somehow it has been seen by millions of people due to misleading video titles ("OMG HOBO TOTALLY GOES APESHIT") or a single decent preview frame out of thousands that suck.
I want to make the people who put up misleading preview pictures and titles watch their own videos, on loop, with their eyes held open Clockwork Orange-style, until they end their own lives by filing their brain stem off with a rusty cheese grater.
If you stumble into the crazy section of Youtube, you'll know it. It's like walking into a bad part of town, and you don't know exactly where you crossed the line but you definitely know that some heroin addict could jump out of a dark alleyway at any moment and threaten to stab you with an HIV-infected needle unless you give him all your money so he can mainline for the next few hours. It sucks.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that Youtube makes me want to throw large portions of humanity into a giant dumpster, then shove said dumpster into the marianas trench until the whole thing is crushed down to the size of a coffee cup. So not that different of a feeling from most other human activity, really.
ISN'T THE INTERNET FUN?!!?!!
But holy shit on a stick, I HATE the idiots that lurk there.
You know the ones I mean. The people who post a million videos of compression artifacts in Google Earth images and claim they found Atlantis, or a UFO, or Bigfoot fucking Elvis Presley while zombie JFK picks his own brains out of the gunshot wound in his skull and eats them (his brains, not Bigfoot fucking Elvis Presley). I hate the people who comment (this constitutes basically everybody, by the way) on things in a manner that would be judged as incredibly retarded, even by autistic basement-dwelling 40 year olds with a proclivity towards videos of girls crushing small animals for sexual gratification.
Most of all, I hate the fact that the worst videos of all may have been viewed by millions, even tens of millions, of hapless people. These folks, intentionally or accidentally, end up subjecting themselves to a grainy, 240p, 8-second portrait-mode cell phone clip of a dreadlocked homeless person mumbling under a freeway in a vaguely threatening manner towards the videographer. It's not funny at all, and yet somehow it has been seen by millions of people due to misleading video titles ("OMG HOBO TOTALLY GOES APESHIT") or a single decent preview frame out of thousands that suck.
I want to make the people who put up misleading preview pictures and titles watch their own videos, on loop, with their eyes held open Clockwork Orange-style, until they end their own lives by filing their brain stem off with a rusty cheese grater.
If you stumble into the crazy section of Youtube, you'll know it. It's like walking into a bad part of town, and you don't know exactly where you crossed the line but you definitely know that some heroin addict could jump out of a dark alleyway at any moment and threaten to stab you with an HIV-infected needle unless you give him all your money so he can mainline for the next few hours. It sucks.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that Youtube makes me want to throw large portions of humanity into a giant dumpster, then shove said dumpster into the marianas trench until the whole thing is crushed down to the size of a coffee cup. So not that different of a feeling from most other human activity, really.
ISN'T THE INTERNET FUN?!!?!!
