Once, long ago, there was a time when mankind said "fuck this rock Imma goin' to SPACE". And mankind made a big-ass rocket to get into space, the Saturn V. Mankind lit the fuse and got away and sent a bunch of middle-aged American white dudes to the moon. The guys had a bitchin' time driving around, finding rocks, hitting golf balls, and crapping in their purpose-built astronaut pants. Then mankind was all "lol I'm out, peace" and spent the next 40 years trying to have fun in a protracted and tedious marriage to a homely chick named low Earth orbit. Over time, however, the marriage grew strained as mankind secretly lusted after the older, but much hotter and more attractive cougar that was interplanetary space. So mankind finally said, "low Earth orbit, I know we've been together for like, forever, but I think we should see other people. Oh don't worry, we can still be friends. We don't even have to make an official divorce. But the spark just ain't there anymore. Laterz!"
NASA just finished making this announcement on behalf of mankind. The announcement came in the form of the SLS: the ever-so-originally-titled Space Launch System. It's the first vehicle capable of sending people outside low Earth orbit since the Saturn V. The official announcement link went live today, and for me it felt like Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, Eid, and a bunch of other holidays nobody cares about all rolled into one. Mankind hasn't been able to get off this lovely little rock in over 40 years, and soon we will finally be able to once again thumb our collective noses at gravity and set off for unexplored new worlds to crap our space-pants on. And in all likelihood, unless China has been more busy than usual in its espionage attempts, America will once again be the representatives for all 7 billion Earthlings as these new worlds are explored.
I am a big proponent of space exploration. When people say, "why do we spend so much money on space? There are so many problems here on Earth that need fixing first," I usually respond with the usual lines: "space exploration does benefit Earth through technology" and "we really don't spend much on space compared to things like the military and social welfare." But I don't have to trot those out because Stephen Hawking has provided me with a better one. He said (I'm paraphrasing the crap out of this right now) that if we don't find a way to live somewhere besides Earth, *cue robotic synthesized voice* WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE.
This is true. An asteroid, nuclear war, robot uprising, virulent plague, or takeover by super-intelligent apes could eventually spell doom for humanity as a species, unless we can find a way to live comfortably somewhere besides the place we've called home for the last few million years. Putting all your eggs in one basket is a terrible, terrible idea when it comes to the survival of your species. Look at the dinosaurs. They used to be all big and badass but then a giant space rock got drunk and swerved too close to the planet and crashed, and all the badass dinosaurs died, and now they're all tiny-ass birds and nobody takes them seriously anymore except Alfred Hitchcock.
So the SLS, which seems like it has been in production longer than Duke Nukem Forever (although that's a lie because DNF took way longer to make), has finally been introduced to the world. The first rocket designed entirely in the 21st century will make its maiden flight in 2017, barring any cost overruns or budget cuts *knock on every available piece of wood in a 5-mile radius*. The first chapter in humanity's legacy of exploring outside of its home planet was all about proving that it could be done, and going to the moon. This launch system will be the second step. Hopefully by the time I am middle-aged and have become even more cranky and bitter, I'll be able to go home one day and stare at my TV and watch live (with a few minutes delay due to that pesky speed of light barrier) as people take their first steps onto another planet.
And secretly crap their pants.
"You don't even remember our anniversary anymore! When did Yuri Gagarin orbit the Earth, huh? WHEN?!"
NASA just finished making this announcement on behalf of mankind. The announcement came in the form of the SLS: the ever-so-originally-titled Space Launch System. It's the first vehicle capable of sending people outside low Earth orbit since the Saturn V. The official announcement link went live today, and for me it felt like Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, Eid, and a bunch of other holidays nobody cares about all rolled into one. Mankind hasn't been able to get off this lovely little rock in over 40 years, and soon we will finally be able to once again thumb our collective noses at gravity and set off for unexplored new worlds to crap our space-pants on. And in all likelihood, unless China has been more busy than usual in its espionage attempts, America will once again be the representatives for all 7 billion Earthlings as these new worlds are explored.
If you're on acid it kind of looks like they're launching the castle from Disney's Magic Kingdom.
Which honestly would be pretty cool.
I am a big proponent of space exploration. When people say, "why do we spend so much money on space? There are so many problems here on Earth that need fixing first," I usually respond with the usual lines: "space exploration does benefit Earth through technology" and "we really don't spend much on space compared to things like the military and social welfare." But I don't have to trot those out because Stephen Hawking has provided me with a better one. He said (I'm paraphrasing the crap out of this right now) that if we don't find a way to live somewhere besides Earth, *cue robotic synthesized voice* WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE.
Stephen Hawking: speaking truth to power.
This is true. An asteroid, nuclear war, robot uprising, virulent plague, or takeover by super-intelligent apes could eventually spell doom for humanity as a species, unless we can find a way to live comfortably somewhere besides the place we've called home for the last few million years. Putting all your eggs in one basket is a terrible, terrible idea when it comes to the survival of your species. Look at the dinosaurs. They used to be all big and badass but then a giant space rock got drunk and swerved too close to the planet and crashed, and all the badass dinosaurs died, and now they're all tiny-ass birds and nobody takes them seriously anymore except Alfred Hitchcock.
"Don't worry, my lovelies, I'll show them. I'll show all of them..."
So the SLS, which seems like it has been in production longer than Duke Nukem Forever (although that's a lie because DNF took way longer to make), has finally been introduced to the world. The first rocket designed entirely in the 21st century will make its maiden flight in 2017, barring any cost overruns or budget cuts *knock on every available piece of wood in a 5-mile radius*. The first chapter in humanity's legacy of exploring outside of its home planet was all about proving that it could be done, and going to the moon. This launch system will be the second step. Hopefully by the time I am middle-aged and have become even more cranky and bitter, I'll be able to go home one day and stare at my TV and watch live (with a few minutes delay due to that pesky speed of light barrier) as people take their first steps onto another planet.
And secretly crap their pants.
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