To all who were planning on going to this week's HYPE, my plans have changed slightly. Due to some boring shit beyond my control, I will now be attending the 9:50 pm showing of 127 Hours instead of the 7:25 showing. The theater remains unchanged. I will still be seeing it at the Regal Hollywood 24 cinema off I-85 in Atlanta, GA.
Also, it has come to my attention that Zoo Atlanta does not have any pangolins. Now I has a sad. Apparently, they are really, really endangered, mainly because dumbasses with no knowledge of medicine or chemistry are eating them and probably grinding them up and rubbing them on their balls or some equally stupid shit, all to supposedly cure themselves of random things that could just as easily be taken care of by seeing a damn doctor. Spoiler alert! Pangolin parts can't cure shit except maybe hunger, and even then it's probably easier just to eat a salad or some chicken.
I think I may have to do some kind of fund-raiser for pangolins, because that's just the kind of nice guy I am. OK, you can all stop laughing now. I may not give two-thirds of a shit about some things, but cloning extinct species is probably only going to be feasible after I'm dead, and I just don't want to grow old and die in a world with no pangolins. I've never done a conservation effort before, but hell, everybody has to take a first step. You don't just up and declare yourself a massive nonprofit organization with celebrity Hollywood donors overnight! Or maybe you do. I told you I'm really inexperienced at the whole money-raising thing.
I've got $5 for for the fund, but ONLY if you can guarntee that the money won't be wasted on administrative fees. It must go straight to the pangolins!
ReplyDeleteIt's OK, the administration gets nothing. They know if they dip into the pangolin fund I will sneak into their houses at night and urinate on their furniture. I've done it before, and they know I'll do it again!
ReplyDeletewait a second wait a second...the pangolins can't use the money they were offered for pangolins? that's crazy!! also, which furniture. i assume a sofa...cause a table would be easier to clean.
ReplyDeleteReally, any furniture is fair game, but I tend towards things like expensive throw-rugs and 18th century unvarnished woodwork.
ReplyDelete