Holy Shit, I Read a Book!

I just did something I haven't done in years. No, not "finally bathe" or "eat something not guaranteed to give me explosive diarrhea 12 hours later."

Ladies and Gentlemen, I read a book.

No, not a comic or manga volume, and actual, "look ma, no pictures" book with text and pages and everything! And I read through it quickly as well (for me), finishing it in no more than 3 days.

The book I read was World War Z, by Max Brooks. Sure, it came out 5 years ago, but look at me, I'm writing a fucking blog for the first time this year and those haven't been trendy since about the same time, so I figure at least I've got my cultural lag all synced up.

I'd write a review, but I haven't reviewed a book in even longer than I've read one, probably since high school, so I'll just write a few brief impressions. It's a great read, for one. Not dense, very thoughtfully laid-out, and accessible even to book-averse troglodytes like myself. It's also well-written. The scenarios for the entire world being assaulted by hordes of the undead are presented in a surprisingly logical fashion, and I found myself not having to suspend my disbelief for anything other than the fact that there were zombies in the book. That is, admittedly, a pretty big part of the story, but hell, everything else seemed pretty realistic.

It's not insanely gory or violent, mainly because the entire book is comprised of vignettes, "oral histories," as the subtitle of the book puts it, of various people telling of their experiences throughout the war. So even if you aren't a horror fan, you don't have to worry about some kind of American Psycho-esque grotesque descriptions that will haunt your sleep for days on end. It is very action-filled, and the fact that the book shifts from personal account to personal account keeps the perspectives and locales fresh.

I highly recommend this book because it isn't a ponderous tome, it's relatively cheap, and it's just plain good reading. I'm no Yomiko Readman, but if I find more stories like World War Z, I just might turn into one.

As LeVar Burton used to say, "you don't have to take my word for it." Check it out!

NEWS FLASH: BIGFOOT DEAD

After months of searching through the hills and valleys of its native habitat, the Libyan National Transitional Council announced today that they have finally killed the Sasquatch known by most people as "Bigfoot". National media outlets showed a picture today of a bloodied bigfoot, slain after a fierce hand-to-hand fight with Mann Co.'s own Saxton Hale, who was hired by the LNTC to take the beast down.

Said Hale of the encounter: 

"Well, the beastie put up a good show. Took me almost 5 minutes to bring him down once I found the bugger hiding inside a transvestite strip joint. Looked like he was rubbin' one out inside a broom closet from all the gruntin' and fappin' noises I heard as we were sneakin' up on 'im. Ol' Biggie took off running once he got wind of me, but he didn't get too far before I took out me crossbow and shot 'im in the leg. 

After that all I had to do was run 'im down and pummel him into a heap. Ripped off Biggie's arrow-shot leg and beat him over the head with it, I did. Bugger managed to claw out a good chunk o' me left arm, but I shrugged it off and pulled out one of his eyeballs. Sassy got pretty bloomin' angry after that, spinning 'round like some kinda hairy ballerina until I punched a hole in his chest and ripped out his spleen. 

Big fella didn't stand up for more than a few seconds after that before collapsin' in a heap. After the fight I took out me ceremonial goblet and drank some of me vanquished foe's blood. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to resurrect a mammoth through DNA cloning and then beat it to death with me bare hands." 

Hale then jumped out of his chair and dived out the 8th story window of the building where this interview was taking place, landed on top of a busload of elderly tourists, and ran off in a bee-line through the facades of several office buildings before we lost sight of him.

Saxton Hale. CEO of Mann Co. Australian. Badass.

The LNTC issued a statement today on the death of one of the world's most elusive beasts: "Today is a great day for the people of this proud land. The menace that has stalked our streets and caused us to fear for our very lives has been vanquished. No more do we have to look over our shoulders at night as we are taking out our garbage. No more do we have to worry about our supply of delicious Jack Link's beef jerky going missing. Ladies and Gentlemen, Bigfoot is dead."

Celebratory gunfire was heard in the streets of Tripoli. "He's dead! That hairy bastard is finally gone! Where's my AK-47?" said one resident as she rushed into her kitchen and grabbed her assault rifle, firing an entire clip into her living room ceiling while chanting and dancing with her children.

No doubt the people of Libya, and indeed the people of all North Africa, will finally be able to sleep soundly tonight.

Saving Money the Lame Way

I recently broke a personal record of mine. I bought the HD remaster of Resident Evil 4, which means I have now bought that game in a brand-new condition a total of 3 freaking times. Why do this? Quality. It is stupid to have spent over $100 on 3 different releases of essentially the same game, but considering that I sometimes buy "super ultra special mega limited rare give-us-your-money" versions of other games that cost $125 and don't end up as good, it really isn't as bad as it sounds. I want to play an awesome game that looks as good as possible, end of story.

However, as stupid and redundant as all this wanton spending seems to be, I do have a frugal side. I knew from the first announcement of this HD remaster that I would be getting it. It was such a fun game the first time around that I knew I'd love to see it rendered in HD with many game assets re-done. Because I knew I'd be getting it, I pretty much had planned on spending however much got charged for it, as long as it wasn't a huge amount.

It turned out that on the Playstation Network, if you sign up for their Plus service you can get the game half off, which brought it to $9.99. Capcom was also planning on re-releasing an HD remaster of Resident Evil: Code Veronica X as well, and I had a hunch (but no assurance) that Sony would have the same kind of half-off price deal going on. However, after waiting a while I saw that yes, they did have the same deal for that game as well. So I signed up for the Plus service for 3 months at $17.99, got Resident Evil 4 for $9.99, and Resident Evil: Code Veronica X for $9.99 as well. I basically ended up getting $57.97 worth of stuff for only $37.99, so at the minimum I saved a whopping 2 bucks (since I knew I'd be getting the remasters anyway which would have ordinarily cost $39.98) but since I also get 3 months of the Plus service, I saved 20 bucks overall. Hooray for bad math!

The half-off game deal only runs through October 4th (I think) so if you want to save a few bucks, you shouldn't wait too long. Anyway, I figured that I'd post something about this since it's really a damn good deal,  especially if you don't already have the games. Now I'm off to beat my wallet senseless when Anime Weekend Atlanta comes lurching around in a few days. Savings!

There and Back Again

Once, long ago, there was a time when mankind said "fuck this rock Imma goin' to SPACE". And mankind made a big-ass rocket to get into space, the Saturn V. Mankind lit the fuse and got away and sent a bunch of middle-aged American white dudes to the moon. The guys had a bitchin' time driving around, finding rocks, hitting golf balls, and crapping in their purpose-built astronaut pants. Then mankind was all "lol I'm out, peace" and spent the next 40 years trying to have fun in a protracted and tedious marriage to a homely chick named low Earth orbit. Over time, however, the marriage grew strained as mankind secretly lusted after the older, but much hotter and more attractive cougar that was interplanetary space. So mankind finally said, "low Earth orbit, I know we've been together for like, forever, but I think we should see other people. Oh don't worry, we can still be friends. We don't even have to make an official divorce. But the spark just ain't there anymore. Laterz!"

"You don't even remember our anniversary anymore! When did Yuri Gagarin orbit the Earth, huh? WHEN?!"

NASA just finished making this announcement on behalf of mankind. The announcement came in the form of the SLS: the ever-so-originally-titled Space Launch System. It's the first vehicle capable of sending people outside low Earth orbit since the Saturn V. The official announcement link went live today, and for me it felt like Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, Eid, and a bunch of other holidays nobody cares about all rolled into one. Mankind hasn't been able to get off this lovely little rock in over 40 years, and soon we will finally be able to once again thumb our collective noses at gravity and set off for unexplored new worlds to crap our space-pants on. And in all likelihood, unless China has been more busy than usual in its espionage attempts, America will once again be the representatives for all 7 billion Earthlings as these new worlds are explored.

If you're on acid it kind of looks like they're launching the castle from Disney's Magic Kingdom. 

Which honestly would be pretty cool. 

I am a big proponent of space exploration. When people say, "why do we spend so much money on space? There are so many problems here on Earth that need fixing first," I usually respond with the usual lines: "space exploration does benefit Earth through technology" and "we really don't spend much on space compared to things like the military and social welfare." But I don't have to trot those out because Stephen Hawking has provided me with a better one. He said (I'm paraphrasing the crap out of this right now) that if we don't find a way to live somewhere besides Earth, *cue robotic synthesized voice* WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE.

Stephen Hawking: speaking truth to power.

This is true. An asteroid, nuclear war, robot uprising, virulent plague, or takeover by super-intelligent apes could eventually spell doom for humanity as a species, unless we can find a way to live comfortably somewhere besides the place we've called home for the last few million years. Putting all your eggs in one basket is a terrible, terrible idea when it comes to the survival of your species. Look at the dinosaurs. They used to be all big and badass but then a giant space rock got drunk and swerved too close to the planet and crashed, and all the badass dinosaurs died, and now they're all tiny-ass birds and nobody takes them seriously anymore except Alfred Hitchcock.

"Don't worry, my lovelies, I'll show them. I'll show all of them..."

So the SLS, which seems like it has been in production longer than Duke Nukem Forever (although that's a lie because DNF took way longer to make), has finally been introduced to the world. The first rocket designed entirely in the 21st century will make its maiden flight in 2017, barring any cost overruns or budget cuts *knock on every available piece of wood in a 5-mile radius*. The first chapter in humanity's legacy of exploring outside of its home planet was all about proving that it could be done, and going to the moon. This launch system will be the second step. Hopefully by the time I am middle-aged and have become even more cranky and bitter, I'll be able to go home one day and stare at my TV and watch live (with a few minutes delay due to that pesky speed of light barrier) as people take their first steps onto another planet.

And secretly crap their pants. 

Today on "Japan's Got Talent"...

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the cutest damn thing ever painted onto acetate plastic: Ryo-Oh-Ki!

If you don't think that was cute on some level, you deserve to be strapped to a rocket and shot into the sun. Myah!

NASA: Now With 25% More Awesome!

In my last post, I chided the web team at NASA for being kind of lazy. Apparently, they have since read my blog, and after a period of self-flagellation and wearing of sackcloth, they have atoned and updated their "Missions" tab to eliminate the "See a Shuttle Launch" link. It's not all fixed, though, as following their "Full Launch Schedule" link will lead you to a page that still has references to Shuttle launches at the top. Oh well; baby steps, I suppose.

Anyway, there are more important things than that. Remember how I said that NASA was working on a new heavy lift vehicle? Well, apparently they are going to reveal the design concept this summer. I thought it would take a whole lot longer to finalize, but if this is true it will be a great thing for the American public to look forward to. Here's an article that discusses some of the details: http://spaceflightnow.com/news/n1103/31slsmpcv/.

Again, like the "fixing" of NASA's launch link page, it's not all good news. Due to congress' belt-tightening measures, NASA does not expect to be able to have the vehicle operational by the 2016 deadline. Big surprise there. Everybody in Washington talks about space being the future, somewhere we need to explore, but only a handful of those same politicians are willing to put their money where their mouth is and actually vote to fund NASA properly. But enough ranting about Washington. I said from the outset that I wouldn't drag politics into the fine emporium of knowledge, laughs, and fart jokes that is "How's Your Pangolin?". I'm much too classy for that. Heh heh, I said ass.

One thing to look forward to until NASA officially unveils the concept design for their heavy lift vehicle is the August 5 launch of Juno, a satellite that will orbit Jupiter's poles and give us redonkulous views of the biggest planet in our solar system. It's not exactly a small satellite, so the launch of the Atlas V rocket required to heave it out of Earth's orbit should be pretty cool. There are other cool things in the pipe as well, but I am mostly salivating at the thought of having a proper heavy lift vehicle for the first time in 40 years.

Sticks & Stones: Girls Bravo

   Welcome back readers, to the second helping of Sticks & Stones for your anime reviews. I've had some positive feedback from readers on my first post, so I'll continue to bombard this blog with more writings! How truly wonderful for you all. So with some further ado, let's go on to the series! (To assuage your burning eyeballs, I plan to make this post is a bit shorter than the previous one.)

Bikini clad anime characters? Yup, we're in a harem anime.

    This week I've perused the offerings of Girls Bravo. As you may surmise from the picture, this anime isn't what tasteful people would call a work of art. In fact, it may be the furthest thing from art that I've seen in years. But don't let that dissuade you from watching this show. What should dissuade you are the insipid characters, the middling & predictable plot and the enduring sense that you could be using your time better somewhere else. So what is this show about? Well, it's a harem anime where a boy finds a portal to a world of filled with women and brings back (accidently) a girl from that world, and slowly but surely he starts getting a menagerie of female characters around him. To the shows credit not every female falls for him. Which is surprising, but that still doesn't make this a good show. One thing of note is that unlike most harem anime I've seen, which have loads of fan service, this shows goes past that to show full on nudity. I think every episode (or nearly every) has some sort of nipple shot. Heck even the opening credits to the second half of the show has nudity. This is pretty rare in my experience when talking about mainstream harem anime. But...Maybe it isn't as mainstream as I would believe, but then again, it IS on Funimation. Once again, this isn't enough to really save this meandering waste of brain activity. On the positive side, because it takes such chances on not being to subtle on sexuality, the dirty jokes hit the best. I truly did laugh out loud at some situations I've never laughed at in an anime. When it goes raunchy, Girls Bravo is at its best. Otherwise, it's exactly like every episode of harem you have seen before, only done much much worse. I can't stress enough how incredibly uncreative this series is. So bereft of any new ideas that, It's almost a parody of itself.

   As an example, here's a summary of one episode that I saw. It was the date episode. Where to the main male & female character both go out. The first half of the episode was great, actually. I was laughing hard, and if you know my laugh you know that's not an understatement. This was caused by the raunchy turn the anime took. Good job show! Bravo, indeed! Then, of course, after driving through Hilarious Blvd., it decides to take a turn into Crap St. The second episode was filled with NO HUMOR and the typical plotline of someone getting there late...but instead, now they beat that horse twice by causing both of them get lost. What? Really? That's what they had to come up with? Are you kidding me? They were lost for most of the second half, with NO PURPOSE but looking forlorn. Talk about ruining the pacing of the show. NO, I'm wrong. Ruining would be not cutting the correct scene. Here they just wrote crap. They just had these two characters run around doing...nothing. It wasn't even emotionally moving. It was so frustrating, what happened to the great first half? It was literally, the best thing I saw the whole show...followed by the absolute worst.

   In the end, I cannot recommend this series. Pass. Pass. Pass. At best a D, it took some chances with the risqué aspects, but...to what end...well...none. Nothing truly came out of it. We just got a rehashed story. Even though the humor was quite good at times, to trudge through all that for just a bit of laughs? No. There are much better humor series out there. Much better everything out there. Don't watch unless you are some sort of hyper fan of Haremé (my name for Harem Anime). Instead go (re)watch Love Hina.

Picture courtesy of www.animehere.com